you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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