Welp...herpes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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