he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I pour the whiskey from now on
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
