my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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