I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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