Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love having hate sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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