On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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