Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
