You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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