Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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