you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
