That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize