uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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