saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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