I just threw up on my dentist
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
