the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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