No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
