trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
