Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
