my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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