I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
