I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
