I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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