Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
