As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
