tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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