i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
