i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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