Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
