Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drake has all the answers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
