I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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