Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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