Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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