hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
