i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
