It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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