i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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