She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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