end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
