Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
