i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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