Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
