the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
