No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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