When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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