You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im holly from the hills drunk
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
