Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
