I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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