Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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