i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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