Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
