Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
