I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
