I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
