paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
