just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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