when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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