Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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