Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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