I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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