party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
