she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
