sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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