after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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